"only when u're in depression mode, den u'll realise wad is happiness.."

agree? nahz... to me..i dunno wad is happiness le... i'm too numbedd.... i m alwaes sad..but tis time..its the maximum le..the maximum till i cant feel anihting else... suep told me...happiness is very simple.. but to me... wad's it? i checked the dictionary..it says..:
Characterized by good luck; fortunate.
Enjoying, showing, or marked by pleasure, satisfaction, or joy.
Being especially well-adapted; felicitous: a happy turn of phrase.
Cheerful; willing: happy to help.

anione wanna explain to me? i still dun get it..or is it i cant feel it? mayb i'm too numbed... n dunno how seems like quite a no. of my frens knew abt wad happened n one by one asking me if i'm alrite..i'm trying trying very hard to sound as cheerful as possible... in sms n on msn...to prevent such things happening..but... haiz.. m i a failure too?in tryin to hide these stuff? wad's going on? juz like todae morn..zY smsed me since b4 i left my hse...till evening 4pm... i told him i felt like dying...my wish is to die...he told me to change a wish..so i told him tt my wish is to find a wish... den he started to brainwash me..but i guessed it failed..bcoz we end up tokin abt aRMy stuff..zzz ... well..dun bother to cheer me up..coz it doesnt help..consolation words fell on deaf ears...

ytd i was tryin to cheer myself up by reading a joke book to myself...answering to myself... trying to make myself luff..haizz..wad a joke... a even more dumb thing than doing harm to myself... wad the shit is going on..?i dunno... oni knoe i'm not in the right state of mind... i'm tryin so hard to cheer myself up... so tt i wun b siann on sat... so tt to prevent sianning ani1 off... esp my close frens... its hard on them i feel... having to bear with my changing depression modes..
my life has no sun... its alwaes dark black clouds....either followed with rain n thunder..or juz simpl snowing... i'm alone... she's part of my sun... i can smile when i see her... but everything doesnt last long... chocolate..icecream...amos cookies... gossips... babies stuff..all can cheer me up..make mi smile here n dere...luff here n dere..but all's temporaily... nth is permanent... not even love i've seen so far... is friendship permanent? i'm seeking for the ans too... i can smile for 1st second but sigh for the 2nd second... n cry for the nxt min... no one knoes wad's gonna happen nxt second..
perhaps i'll juz die....................